You can’t snub people who ignore you

Apparently I live in the friendliest place in England. But saying that is like saying this guy is the most open-minded and accepting ISIS fighter. I learned quickly that rude and polite are standards unique to each society. People here probably think I’m loud and pushy. That’s OK. I think they are snobs and that England is a cold place filled with cold people. But I know it’s just that I don’t know how to make friends here.

People here don’t make eye contact. In the US, I’m used to people you pass in the streets smiling and nodding, if nothing else. When I lived in the deep south, there was one woman who would smile and say hello to me every morning as I walked to school. We had never met. I had no idea who she was. She was just friendly.

Here, even people I know avoid my glance. The parents of my kids friends ignore me. I ask to make play dates and get blown off. Sure, maybe their own lives are so busy that they don’t have time to schedule things for their kids. How many times should I ask before I realize they are trying to send me a message that they don’t want anything to do with me?

Maybe it’s me. Maybe it was something I said or did. Maybe I’m a rude American. But it also happens with people I’ve never met. This one woman whose kid goes to daycare with mine, I see her almost every day for years now. Everyday, I tried to make eye contact. Everyday, I failed. Now when I see her, I want to shake her and say “acknowledge my presence, you limey cunt!”

I’ve tried to adapt to my surroundings, but maybe people here need to be open and accepting of differences too. I shouldn’t have to change who I am to make friends. And besides, I have made friends. With the members of the British-Pakistani population.



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What does it feel like living abroad in unpresidented times?

I can only speak for myself, but I feel alone. People here are freaking out about Brexit. Someone who I want to be friends with said that Trump is 4 years, 8 years max (it sounds like a prison sentence: 8 years, 4 with good behavior), but Brexit is forever. Maybe so, but I don’t think the amount of damage they can do is comparable. How many people will die because of Brexit? I can’t find any data, other than Jo Cox. He Who Must Not Be Named will kill more than 43,000 a year just from repealing the ACA. This does not count dead soldiers in the needless wars he will start, dead civilians from the terrorist attacks that will occur because he emboldens ISIS and domestic terrorists and will not read intelligence briefings.

I also feel helpless. What can I do from here? All the “action items” or whatever I’m hearing about are to call a senator or march. Yeah, I can calculate the time difference and pay way too much for a long distance call in the hopes that I won’t be on hold for too long and will actually get through. So I spend my time writing emails that will never be opened or using “contact me!” forms that limit me to 1000 characters fewer than I need. If you have any answers, let me know.

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Buffy update and a question

I’ve gotten a surprising amount of hits and comments on my I don’t like Buffy post, and I feel like it deserves an update.

I still don’t like Buffy, but I do appreciate the people debating it reasonably with me and trying to open my mind. I admit, some of my judgment may be unfair (it’s not fair to say I don’t like it because it’s not feminist enough). But some of it is just taste. And to those people, I want to share this:

My husband loves Buffy, and we had a baby girl about 2 years ago. My husband works all the time (often late into the night), a lot of the time from home on his computer. And he’ll usually have a favorite show on in the background. Like Buffy, Star Trek, or Friends. Because he works late into the night, he took a lot of middle of the night feedings when she was a newborn.

On one such night, he was watching Friends and feeding her, and he just felt icky watching this show that he felt objectified women. And he just became so much more aware of sexism and objectification that now he doesn’t like Friends anymore. So he decided to watch Buffy with her, because he thought Buffy (and presumably Willow, Tara, and Anya) would be better role models and the show would have more egalitarian themes and focus more on women’s strength and intelligence. Even though I have my own issues with Buffy, I was touched by this.

But here is my question: Do you think any of the images in Buffy are inherently frightening? This is not to pick on Buffy generally, I mean any frightening image generally. In particular though, I am thinking of the Gentlemen.


Babies like looking at faces and can recognize faces. Do you think a baby would recognize it as a frightening face, or is it learned that they are scary?

I am not such a prude or whatever that I told him no, don’t watch Buffy with her. I did suggest that he be careful with the monsters that looked like scary human faces.

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Kushiel’s Mercy readalong: weeks 6 and 7

Ok, so I had to stop reading after week 5. I realized why this book isn’t my favorite of the series despite having 200 pages or so that I love more than any other portion. It’s because Sidonie and Imriel return to the City of Elua and learned that they all voted for Donald Trump. And I just can’t. Most of the time, when I do a reread, I stop after Astegal is dies. I don’t need Frodo et al. returning to the Shire and overthrowing Saruman. I can stop when real evil is defeated.

Nonetheless, here we go (sorry my heart’s just not in it anymore):

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Kushiel’s Mercy readalong: week 5

Chapters 50-62. Questions by Lynn.

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The Sex Lives of Eunuchs

The Closet Professor

Throughout history, there has existed basically three types of eunuchs: those where were castrated before puberty, those who were castrated after puberty, and those who had their penis and testicles removed during the castration. Those in the first group, who castrated during puberty, never developed mature sexual organs because they did not go through puberty. With the lack of mature male hormones, i.e. testosterone, their voices never changed, they had more feminine features, often gained weight very easily and lacked muscle tone, and they were totally impotent. 6a00e55370249988330120a7c50f2c970b-400wi The second group, those who were castrated after puberty, went through puberty and though many took on feminine traits, it was easier for them to gain muscle mass, and they had the ability to get an erection. However, because of the lack of testicles, they could not produce sperm and therefore could not reproduce. They did however, have the ability to ejaculate, though…

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Kushiel’s Mercy readalong: week 4

Chapters 23-35. Questions by me.

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Kushiel’s Mercy readalong: week 3

Chapters 23-35. Questions by me.

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Kushiel’s Mercy: week 2

Time for week 2, chapters 11-22. Questions by Allie.

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Kushiel’s Mercy: week 1

Last book you guys!!! (Well, I don’t know if you guys are planning on reading the other series..) Anyway, yay! Here we go. Chapters 1-10. Questions by Susan.

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