I hate you, Tommee Tippee!

New baby is growing fast, and everything is great. But I have to rant about how much I hate Tommee Tippee bottles.

Picture from Amazon.co.uk.

Yes, you. I hate you.

I hate your shape. On your website, you boast about being an easy to hold shape. How fucking hard is it to hold a bottle? Not hard. Drunk people can do it. But because of your wannabe ergonomic design, pools of milk get stuck in your curves when the bottle is in feeding position. So I can’t empty a bottle unless I’m holding the baby in an unnatural position during feeding.

I hate your nipple. Manhole covers are round so that the cover can never be inserted as to fall into the manhole. The same physics would apply with a nipple and a bottle collar, but the nipple is made of flexible silicone. There is a lip to the nipple so it won’t flex through the bottle collar easily. But the lip on your nipples is too small. So every time I go to assemble a bottle, I accidentally pull the nipple through the collar, making you a pain in the ass to assemble.

I hate your lids. As you can see from the picture above, the lid is designed to sit completely over the bottle collar. So I can’t unscrew the bottle to add powdered formula without removing the lid. And if I do unscrew the bottle with the lid on, like say when I’m cleaning you, I’m not then able to get the lid off to clean the nipple without reassembling the bottle.

I hate your price. Twelve pounds for three bottles! I just want my Gerber bottles that Target sells at six bucks for a nine pack!

Everything about you, I hate. I would just throw you all away, but then I’d feel like I’m wasting money.

No love,

Emma

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About emmawolf

I'm a freelance writer living in Baltimore with my husband, son, and two cats. I'm working on editing my first novel. I love reading, traveling, and the cello.
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