If I could erase one event in my past, what would I erase? Nothing. But this is not to say I live without regret.
Immediately, I’m thinking of stories I’ve read where a character has erased or wanted to erase something. Sveta from Night Watch erasing her past in the Book of Destiny. Making it so she didn’t join the Night Watch, but instead lived an ordinarily life so she could spend it with Anton who she loved. Sidonie from Kushiel’s Mercy begging her lover Imriel to erase the traces of her husband/kidnapper/rapist from her body.
Hurricane Katrina and my PTSD also came to mind. Should I erase that? It would be nice to feel safe again. To not have nightmares anymore. To not freak out every year at my husband’s birthday (unfortunately, his birthday is the day the storm hit).
I spent a lot of time wondering where my life would be if not for the storm. My grades would have been better. I probably would have found a better job or been able to keep my old one. The events leading me to meet my husband wouldn’t have been set into place.
As sick as it might be, it’s too much a part of me. I used to think a lot about where I would be, where I should have been maybe, if not for the storm. But to be there, I’d have to trade everything I have now: my family, my house, my business, even my novel is a metaphor for my PTSD. I’m not willing to make that trade.
So I wouldn’t erase anything.
Title comes from Poe’s song Hello.