A book I wish I never read.
I’ve read a lot of crap in my day. I have a goodread’s shelf that I call “waste of paper” and another called “dear god! why did I read that?!” But there are few books that I wish I could let me undo the past and allow me to get my time back. I hated On Beauty, but I read it for a book group and at least enjoyed the social aspect of it. I hated City of Bones but it was a good laugh. I hated Prep but I (tried to) read it on a friend’s recommendation. This book, however, I don’t know if there is a word in the English language to describe how much I hated it.
It was a quarter at a thrift store and not worth the price I paid for it. The line from the Washington Post that said it is that city’s version of Sex and the City should have warned me, as I hate Sex and the City. But even with SatC, I can appreciate how someone else might like it. It’s not completely mind boggling to me that someone can watch that show without wanting to claw their own eyes out. The Washingtonienne, however, is probably the worst thing ever published.
I read it a long time ago, so I know I don’t remember all the details. But first, what kind of moron doesn’t stand to the right on the escalators in the DC Metro? Every single fucking person in the city does it, and no one had to be told. What makes you, Ms. Cutler, so goddamned special that you couldn’t observe the people around you and step to the right? Hold you hands out, palms down. Point your thumbs together. The hand that has the pointer finger and the thumb making an “L,” that’s your left hand. Walk to the other hand when riding the DC Metro.
When I was young and impressionable, my aunt (a writer and librarian) taught me that novels needed to have at least three elements woven together to make a story. Ms. Cutler wrote about only two things. Anal sex and lube alone do not a story make. If I recall correctly, early in the story she dumped her boyfriend she saw a tube of astroglide in her roommate’s room and just naturally assumed that it was her boyfriends. Because he is the only person in the world to use lube. Lube was a plot device. Lube was almost a fucking character in this book.
Please don’t read this book. A much better memoir about sexy DC: I was a Teenage Dominatrix.